Embrace your RAGE…

Gamers, we are getting EVER CLOSER to the launch of the new Dungeons & Dragons this August at Gen Con. We’ve seen a variety of previews and even a full release of the Basic D&D Rules but ONE thing has given me pause.

On Monday, d20Monkey previewed The Bard.

Now, I UNDERSTAND the need for sparkle-eyed socialites and lute-wrangling theatre majors to inflict their very special form of PSYCHOLOGICAL WARFARE called ‘role-playing’ on those of us who are TRUE GAMING PURISTS. Fortunately the smart people at Wizards of the Coast realize that there’s a YIN to every YANG, a DWARF for every HALFLING

…a KAS for every VECNA.

Now it’s my turn.


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Join me at GameHoleCon in Madison this November!


I’m proud to say I’ll be appearing ONCE AGAIN at the 2nd Annual GameHole Con in Madison, Wisconsin this November. AS YOU MAY RECALL last year was an absolute blast and this year they are bringing in an ALL-STAR line-up of guests including Ed Greenwood, Chris Perkins, Ernie Gygax, Frank Mentzer, Matt Forbeck, and Jolly Blackburn!

But I won’t just be there HOBNOBBING with the gaming elite, I will be running a WIDE VARIETY of games for YOU, including:

  • The Insurmountable Gauntlet of DOOM! Many have tried, all have… well so far everyone has survived. YOU COULD BE THE FIRST TO FALL PREY TO THIS NEFARIOUS SCENARIO.
  • Beastmasters of Yagga-mor! It’s my twisted hack of Danger Patrol mixed with a homebrew post-apocalyptic science-fantasy setting that’s 2 parts Thundarr the Barbarian, 1 part RIFTS, and 9 parts PURE AWESOME.
  • Ask the Bastard LIVE! You want to pick my brain?? You better have proficiency in exotic weapons!

And FINALLY, I will be running a very special CHARITY session of The World’s WORST Dungeon Crawl! FOUR seats are guaranteed at the table. Spectators who choose to make a donation of $20 will ROLL-OFF for the remaining two spots. ALL proceeds benefit Second Harvest Food Shelf!

Event registration begins FRIDAY!

The GAME HOLE. It’s a portable hole filled with nerds, dice, and beer. WHAT COULD GO WRONG??

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The OVERLY Critical Hit Deck!


Gamers, people often ask me: What do I do when I’m in the THICK OF COMBAT and I roll a one?

My answer: I’ll let you know when I find out.

But when OTHER people in my party roll a one, do I froth? Do I rage?

NO. I simply pull a card from my OVERLY Critical Hit Deck and hand it to them.

It tells them EXACTLY how I feel. Sometimes it even has a “fun” in-game mechanical “reward” for all that wasted effort and monumental suckitude.

overly-critical-card-stillmissThese 45 cards are designed to share your deepest feelings and frustrations with your fellow players in the most passive-aggressive way possible. There are even NINE BLANK CARDS so you can truly personalize your group experience.

So download my OVERLY Critical Hit Deck and put a little more BASTARD in your DUNGEON today!





Posted in Freebies, Gaming | 5 Comments

Ask the Bastard – XP

GAMERS, do you EARN experience points or does your RAT BASTARD DM just IGNORE your GLORIOUS EFFORTS and arbitrarily AWARD you levels at his stingy, piteous whim??

Check out this LATEST installment of ASK THE BASTARD as I go DEEP INSIDE this divisive issue!


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Special ENnies Announcement!

GAMERS, I am proud to announce that I will be co-hosting the 2014 ENnie awards, alongside the illustrious and talented Jen Page.

The ENnies are the only industry award voted on BY the fans, FOR the fans and I’m honored to take part in them again this year.

I hope to see you all at GEN CON for the ceremony!


Posted in Appearances, Gen Con | 1 Comment

Ask the Bastard – PRESTIGE CLASSES

Some people see the core rules as SACRED and don’t bother with all the friddle-fraddle of those convoluted Prestige Classes.

OTHER people see Prestige Classes as the ideal way to refine and fulfill their vision of a truly unique and epic PC.

Where do I come down on all this? WATCH AND SEE:

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GameHole Con 2013 RECAP

IMG_20131101_090939wf…wherein I emerge from the GameHole a stronger, better bastard.

Gamers, last week was the inaugural GameHoleCon in Madison, Wisconsin and let’s GET THIS OUT OF THE WAY right off the bat: yeah, “GameHole” is an awkward name with some wildly ambiguous connotations. Hey, you know what’s NOT awkward or wildly ambiguous? HOW GREAT THIS CON WAS.

This thing is put together by a group of gamers SO HARDCORE they built their ultra-deluxe gaming space ABOVE A BAR. Every session LITERALLY starts with “you all meet in a tavern.” These guys believe in the FINER things and it shows in the way they put together their first Con.

Let’s start with the line-up of guests:

Ernie Gygax preaches to the  faithful.

Ernie Gygax preaches to the faithful.

Old-school, new-school, WHATEVER your school you were getting an ADVANCED DEGREE at GameHole Con. You wanted to delve into the pre-history of the Temple of Elemental Evil? Ernie Gygax, Jim Ward, and Frank Mentzer were there to share their wisdom. You wanted to pry details on D&D Next from the IRON TALONS of WotC’s Chris Perkins? He had not one but TWO panels to talk about what’s happening with the next iteration of D&D. Or MAYBE you just wanted to hang out with Jen Page between her game of Call of Cthulhu and her screening of Geek Seekers.

If you’re like me, YOU GOT TO DO ALL THREE.

Gamers, I'm pretty sureJen Page is holding her forehead like that because she doesn't have any sweatbands.

If I’m not mistaken, someone in this photo is astrally projecting.

Of course I wasn’t just there to be Jen Page’s footstool. I ran my own session of Ask the Bastard LIVE and squeezed 20 different gamers through my Insurmountable Gauntlet of DOOM. And I only killed ONE character the whole weekend! Apparently WISCONSIN MAKES YOU SOFT.

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You know gamers, the CONCEPT of the thief is pretty great.

Actually PLAYING the thief, on the other hand… Let’s be honest, they might as well ditch the class altogether and just make SCAPEGOAT a playable race.

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Trick or Lose 10d6 SAN

This is why you don’t make blood sacrifices in the pumpkin patch, people!


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It’s cool to be the wizard. Right?




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