Now Accepting Applications For Membership!

The BDCA is an international organization of hardcore gaming enthusiasts dedicated to excellence in role-playing games.

If you’re looking for Gamers who share your interest in role-playing games, and if you want to know how to game like an ULTIMATE BADASS, join the BDCA Network.

It was created for just a few ELITE gamers. Do you have what it takes to join our illustrious ranks? Take our simple 10-step quiz and find out if you qualify!

BADASS DUNGEON CRUSHERS QUALIFICATION EXAM!!! Are YOU truly BADASS?

Progress:

You are creating a new character. What class do you choose?

Glass-jawed crap wizard with two worthless spells.

Druid who wears stupid leather armor and carries a wooden shield. WHATEVER.

Lame cleric who can't do anything cool cause two other people are playing crap wizards and stupid druids and need healing all the time.

Bard. OOH I'm a BARD! I want to INSPIRE YOU and talk about YOUR FEELINGS.

Barbarian. SMASH BARBARIAN SMASH!

You must choose a race. You pick:

Elf, because I like trees and honey butter.

Human, because I am a human and I have no imagination.

Half-elf, because I have no imagination, but I really like honey butter too.

Gnome, because I am a failure in real life so I might as well be a failure in my fantasy one.

Dwarf, because I like infravision, drinking beer, and detecting sliding/shifting walls or rooms on a 1-4 on a d6.

Your favored weapon is:

Dagger.

Fauchard.

Fork.

Fauchard-fork.

Anything I can wield with two hands.

Choose from the following Feats:

Cleave.

Great Cleave.

Power Attack.

Weapon Focus.

Great Weapon Cleave Improved Power Attack Focus Cleave.

Your DM *insists* you spend some Skill points. You:

Sink all your points into Bluff.

Balance your points between Listen, Spot, and Sense Motive.

Put MOST of your points into Climb and Jump, but spend a few on Decipher Script because, you know, your character is UNIQUE and INTERESTING.

Max out Ride and buy a donkey.

Roll the battlemat up into a tight rod and whack your DM in the face. INTIMIDATION CHECK, BEEYOTCH!

Choose an Alignment:

Chaotic Good.

Lawful Evil.

Neutral Good.

Chaotic Evil.

Lawful Badass.

Travelling on a country road, you meet a skinny halfling clad in ragged clothes. He claims to be a cobbler and offers to shine your shoes for 2 copper. You:

Get someone to cast detect evil.

Take pity on him and hand him 10 gold.

Agree to his services, but bargain him down to 1 copper.

LOUDLY comment on how dirty the bard's shoes are and how SURELY no tavern owner would hire ANY entertainer with such DIRTY shoes.

In the time it's taken the other party members to weigh the previous four options you've already beheaded the halfling, burned his clothes, and charged into the adjacent ditch to disembowel the six other bandits who are no doubt lying in wait to ambush you. I got a 19, do I hit?

You stand before the ruins of an ancient keep. A weathered set of stone stairs leads deep into the forbidden dungeons. A few scattered skulls and dried, broken bones suggest the stairway may be trapped. You:

Tell the thief to get his dumb ass up here.

Search the area for some kind of switch or lever mechanism.

Dig out your 10-foot pole and 20 lb. iron ball.

Give the bard a healthy nudge.

Aren't afraid'a no PUNY TRAPS! I'm a DWARF! I check for traps with MAH FEET!

Deep in the dungeon, you encounter a huge minotaur and a powerful necromancer. His undead minions quickly drain most of the party. The cleric is down, the wizard is out of spells, and the thief just quaffed the last potion of healing. You have ONE hit point. You...

Jam two fingers down the thief's throat and TASTE THE RAINBOW!

Toss the portable hole into the bag of holding and hope for the best.

Strap the dead cleric to your shield and tell the DM you get a bonus to hit for using a holy weapon.

Execute a flying wedge, using the wizard's pointy hat as the leading edge.

Point out that the necromancer still has three charges on his wand of paralyzation, the undead could really take better advantage of flanking, and the minotaur might as well sink all his points into Power Attack since the wizard's shield spell went down.

It's time to divvy up the treasure. The method of choice is to:

Share And Share Alike. Simple division by the total number of characters involved.

Shares By Level. All character levels are added and the total treasure is divided by this sum.

Equal Shares Plus Bonus. Treasure is divided by the sum of all characters, plus two or three. The outstanding character or characters, as determined by vote, each gain one extra share.

Parcelled Dice Off. Treasure is divided into parcels of roughly equal worth. Characters dice off to claim a parcel, high roll choosing first.

Jam two fingers down the thief's throat and ROLL FOR INITIATIVE!

Click submit and find out if you are ADVENTURER enough to be a BADASS DUNGEON CRUSHER!!!

12 Responses to Now Accepting Applications For Membership!

Louis says:

June 1, 2012 at 5:07 am

I laughed so fucking hard at this quiz.

ClemLOR says:

June 1, 2012 at 5:59 am

Awesome Uber-Elite!
*waiting for the three magic words …*

Johnn Four says:

June 1, 2012 at 8:24 am

I laughed so hard 3d4 came out my nose.

love it!

Max Black says:

June 1, 2012 at 10:44 am

Pure Awesomesauce.

Shawn McNulty says:

June 1, 2012 at 10:49 am

@Johnn — that sounds painful

Metalcoin says:

June 1, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Quizzes are for hollow-boned weaklings who wouldn’t know a trident from a fork. The only question I need answered is “where am I in the initiative order?”.

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Badass Bubba Downs says:

September 25, 2012 at 2:53 pm

This test is awesomesauce on a platter.

Eddie says:

March 15, 2013 at 2:49 pm

Truly one of the great things on the web. when i told my players you were the inspiration behind my DM skills…their exact words, “Oh God…”. priceless.

Now Accepting Applications For Membership!

BADASS DUNGEON CRUSHERS QUALIFICATION EXAM!!! Are YOU truly BADASS?

Click submit and find out if you are ADVENTURER enough to be a BADASS DUNGEON CRUSHER!!!

12 Responses to Now Accepting Applications For Membership!

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