Category Archives: The Bastard Answers!

OWLBEARS

Why do owlbears get so much love? FIND OUT: And, as an ADDED BONUS click here to download the Official OWLBEAR Ringtone MP3!

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What Would SHATNER Play?

Some people try to live their lives by the Shatnerian tenets of “Ham It Up” and “When In Doubt, Throw A Styrofoam Boulder.” Me, I try to live my life by the Bastardian tenets of “Boulder It Up” and “When … Continue reading

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The Stingy DM

The basic premise of D&D is: I KILL MONSTERS AND TAKE THEIR STUFF! But what if their stuff turns out to be 6 copper pieces, some broken clay pots, and a 3-charge wand of wonder? Hey, if your DM is … Continue reading

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The Con Game

Summer’s here and that means one thing: it’s time to go inside and play games with a bunch of sweaty nerds before the evil, evil sun burns you with its vile rays! But finding yourself at a new table full … Continue reading

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The Mysterious Case of the Sweatbands

Some people think I’m all flair — that the dapper t-shirts and snazzy sweatbands are only there because I like to DRESS to IMPRESS. While that’s true, they also serve a more functional purpose…  

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Hard Times at the Table

Sometimes, your party gets in trouble. Sometimes, you have to run away. And sometimes, when you’re running away, you have to make hard choices.

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Interparty Conflict

Look, it’s well-documented that I don’t believe in role-playing. It only causes trouble. CASE IN POINT:

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A Late Start

Is it ever too late to pick up gaming? As a PROFESSIONAL ADVENTURE COACH, I issue a firm “OF COURSE NOT!” and give you some helpful tips on how to start.

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Psionics

Back in old-school AD&D, if you rolled a 00 if the very final stages of character creation, you got PSIONICS — one of the most complicated, arcane, and (largely) useless rules subsystems ever grafted onto the game. So naturally, someone … Continue reading

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The EVIL Campaign

Want to know how the other half lives? Well, it’s true — the grass IS greener. It’s also covered in contact poison.

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