On Nov 26th, I took the new D&D 5E Dungeon Master’s Guide out for a little spin to test all those tasty charts, lists, and tables that are baked in to help inspire your adventure planning. Step-by-step I live-tweeted the results. BUT DON’T WORRY, you didn’t miss it.

Thanks to the magic of Storify, you can check out the entire sequence HERE.

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Join me at GameHoleCon for the World’s Worst Dungeon Crawl!

In two short days I’ll be making the journey to Madison, Wisconsin for the 2nd Annual GameHole Con. Last year’s festivities were an unparalleled mix of old school and new school gaming and this year they are continuing to raise the bar with an ALL-STAR line-up of guests including Ed Greenwood, Chris Perkins, Ernie Gygax, Frank Mentzer, Matt Forbeck, and Jolly Blackburn!

And, of course, YOURS TRULY.The World's WORST Dungeon Crawl

But what’s in it for you?

I’M in it for you GAMERS!

Most of my events are sold out, HOWEVER there are TWO NOTABLE EXCEPTIONS.

First off, this SATURDAY at NOON I will be holding court with a LIVE session of ASK THE BASTARD.

My EXPERTISE cuts like a +5 VORPAL AXE and my insight will force you to make a SANITY CHECK. You’ve got PROBLEMS, I’ve got ANSWERS. Maybe not to YOUR PROBLEMS but HEY THAT’S ONE OF YOUR PROBLEMS. No one said Adventure Coaching was easy.

Or effective.

FINALLY, I will be running a very special CHARITY session of The World’s WORST Dungeon Crawl!

“But Mr. Bastard,” you say, “that event is sold out!”


It’s true, FOUR guaranteed seats at the table have been sold off. HOWEVER any spectators who choose to make a donation of $20 will ROLL-OFF for the remaining TWO SPOTS! ALL proceeds benefit Second Harvest Food Shelf!

This is a RARE chance to GET IN ON A GREAT GAME, raise money for a WORTHY CHARITY, AND suffer the WRATH of the BASTARD.



Posted in Appearances, Gaming, World's WORST Dungeon Crawl | 2 Comments

FIREBALL of WISDOM: 26 Adventure Hooks

dungeon_bastard_wingspread_potionGAMERS, on my way back from Gen Con I got bored and put a call out on Twitter to send me a monster and I’d send back a hook. Well RUN FOR COVER so-called Dungeon “Masters”, it’s time for a FIREBALL of WISDOM.

26 Adventure Hooks

Stirge: The most feared assassin in Domaht is Khered, an elven sorceress-turned-ghoul who hunts her victims with a swarm of stirges.

Umber Hulk Ghost: An umber hulk ghost tunnels through the Astral, weakening the borders between the planes, loosing unnatural beasts & chaos.

Rust Monster: A dodgy wizard seeks the antennae of six rust monsters to create a potion that HE claims will make him invulnerable to weapons.

Continue reading

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Schedule of Appearances – Gen Con 2014!!


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Exclusive Gen Con Preview – The CRITS or FAILS Coin!

GAMERS, the fine folks at Campaign Coins make some PRETTY SWEET accessories for your gaming table. (If you play Fate, you owe it to yourself to check out the tokens in their current Kickstarter.)

Well, sound the Horn of Nerdhalla, because the special release they’ve created for Gen Con is ABSOLUTELY BADASS.

IT’S THE D20 “Crits or Fails” COIN!

D20-Campaign-Coin-colour Continue reading

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Embrace your RAGE…

Gamers, we are getting EVER CLOSER to the launch of the new Dungeons & Dragons this August at Gen Con. We’ve seen a variety of previews and even a full release of the Basic D&D Rules but ONE thing has given me pause.

On Monday, d20Monkey previewed The Bard.

Now, I UNDERSTAND the need for sparkle-eyed socialites and lute-wrangling theatre majors to inflict their very special form of PSYCHOLOGICAL WARFARE called ‘role-playing’ on those of us who are TRUE GAMING PURISTS. Fortunately the smart people at Wizards of the Coast realize that there’s a YIN to every YANG, a DWARF for every HALFLING

…a KAS for every VECNA.

Now it’s my turn.


Continue reading

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Join me at GameHoleCon in Madison this November!


I’m proud to say I’ll be appearing ONCE AGAIN at the 2nd Annual GameHole Con in Madison, Wisconsin this November. AS YOU MAY RECALL last year was an absolute blast and this year they are bringing in an ALL-STAR line-up of guests including Ed Greenwood, Chris Perkins, Ernie Gygax, Frank Mentzer, Matt Forbeck, and Jolly Blackburn!

But I won’t just be there HOBNOBBING with the gaming elite, I will be running a WIDE VARIETY of games for YOU, including:

  • The Insurmountable Gauntlet of DOOM! Many have tried, all have… well so far everyone has survived. YOU COULD BE THE FIRST TO FALL PREY TO THIS NEFARIOUS SCENARIO.
  • Beastmasters of Yagga-mor! It’s my twisted hack of Danger Patrol mixed with a homebrew post-apocalyptic science-fantasy setting that’s 2 parts Thundarr the Barbarian, 1 part RIFTS, and 9 parts PURE AWESOME.
  • Ask the Bastard LIVE! You want to pick my brain?? You better have proficiency in exotic weapons!

And FINALLY, I will be running a very special CHARITY session of The World’s WORST Dungeon Crawl! FOUR seats are guaranteed at the table. Spectators who choose to make a donation of $20 will ROLL-OFF for the remaining two spots. ALL proceeds benefit Second Harvest Food Shelf!

Event registration begins FRIDAY!

The GAME HOLE. It’s a portable hole filled with nerds, dice, and beer. WHAT COULD GO WRONG??

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The OVERLY Critical Hit Deck!


Gamers, people often ask me: What do I do when I’m in the THICK OF COMBAT and I roll a one?

My answer: I’ll let you know when I find out.

But when OTHER people in my party roll a one, do I froth? Do I rage?

NO. I simply pull a card from my OVERLY Critical Hit Deck and hand it to them.

It tells them EXACTLY how I feel. Sometimes it even has a “fun” in-game mechanical “reward” for all that wasted effort and monumental suckitude.

overly-critical-card-stillmissThese 45 cards are designed to share your deepest feelings and frustrations with your fellow players in the most passive-aggressive way possible. There are even NINE BLANK CARDS so you can truly personalize your group experience.

So download my OVERLY Critical Hit Deck and put a little more BASTARD in your DUNGEON today!





Posted in Freebies, Gaming | 5 Comments

Ask the Bastard – XP

GAMERS, do you EARN experience points or does your RAT BASTARD DM just IGNORE your GLORIOUS EFFORTS and arbitrarily AWARD you levels at his stingy, piteous whim??

Check out this LATEST installment of ASK THE BASTARD as I go DEEP INSIDE this divisive issue!


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Special ENnies Announcement!

GAMERS, I am proud to announce that I will be co-hosting the 2014 ENnie awards, alongside the illustrious and talented Jen Page.

The ENnies are the only industry award voted on BY the fans, FOR the fans and I’m honored to take part in them again this year.

I hope to see you all at GEN CON for the ceremony!


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